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Friday, April 3rd, 2009
4:21 pm
Love is an elusive concept.

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Monday, March 2nd, 2009
6:45 pm - Tripping
I didn't have an ash tray nearby so I just dumped my cashed bowl out into the little hospital sack for my Lexapro.

Life is funny like that. Like not kidding when I say I'd like to kill myself. My life is irony because I tell the doctor what he wants to hear so I won't be locked away. I promised myself I will die before I go back to the place that protects me from myself.

There's nothing worse than painful irony. Like Juliet having to watch her Romeo die. For her. Like the permanent strain of anticipation for my life to change any day now but the repetitious days that come in painful shock waves of disappointment are killing me. Like the suicide ward being a house of anguish. Sorry I write foward in loops. It's all I know. It's not so bad. More like tumbling down a hill. It's an easy trip.

Dad told me today that his heart stopped when he received a phone call at one in the morning from a police officer. The officer told him his car had been broken into and was very surprised that my dad was so relieved. It's funny that dad understands that any day he could get the real phone call at one in the morning some eventual night ahead. Funny that killing me is killing the only man I love. It's strange that my sense of humor evolves European out of all this.

current mood: :(

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Saturday, February 28th, 2009
2:12 am - America Strikes Back

Oh yeah, we have a black president.

Eat your words, Morrissey.

But I'm still spending $25 to see you.

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Monday, February 2nd, 2009
2:12 pm - Longing
I want to live the isolated, exotic life of Hemingway.

current mood: lonely, ironically

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Friday, January 16th, 2009
10:56 pm - These Letter Scrambles Mean Something But I'm Lost...

Try to make something out of that!







Not stop go zero gone summer rose return(s) turn(s) most rest must store storm hope men prison prize(s) spent...

....are the words I can find so far....

current mood: restless

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Saturday, December 13th, 2008
4:49 pm
I want to have a writer's block party!!!

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Monday, December 8th, 2008
5:19 pm - Anything
This is the difference between my grandma then and my grandma after that disease where you forget things. I don't remember the name but I hear it's hereditary. I roll my eyes to the left and think of beach days every day in grandma's backyard. I remember she could get down. I roll my eyes to the right and I remember her trying to kill my little nephew with a giant coffee table book because he was being too loud. My eyes look ahead as I remember nothing but finishing my cigarette. I am exhaling the last of it. I never understand why people want me to do anything with my life. I just want to want something, passionately. And a kind of fear trembles up from inside when you realize you don't remember what's it's like to be actually excited about something that wakes you up and makes you want to do something with your life.

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Saturday, November 29th, 2008
3:42 pm
My application for the Peace Corps was denied. That's disappointing.

current mood: meh

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Sunday, November 9th, 2008
8:52 pm - For a Friend Inspired by My Post And Recommended a Site That Inspired Me To Write This:
"Yeah, Coldplay was nice and all then. The melodies are all vacant now. They were always very simple from the start, but with great melodies They were like the pop Radiohead. All their songs are Fake Plastic Trees. Like how I lit up mid-sentence because I realized what a great metaphore that was?"

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Saturday, November 8th, 2008
11:29 pm - And In The Sprit Of Overheard

Very high 20-something: "Daisy, I'm glad you're not a bearded drag queen right now. You know, while we're in the Thanksgiving spirit."

Daisy: "You're welcome."

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6:34 pm - Love Waits
I first found out about Tom Waits in the late nineties, I suppose, yeah, because I found the Pogues a little while later. I was flipping through a magazine and saw his face and that's all it took. I said, that guy has got to be awesome! And he was awesome! See with Tom Waits, you can judge a book by its cover. What you see is what you get!

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Wednesday, November 5th, 2008
11:35 pm - Unrest of the Undead. Happy Halloween by the way.

Oh yes! I'm so glad I avoided political unrest by forgetting to visit all these posts before the election was over!


current mood: baked

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Sunday, October 5th, 2008
7:52 pm - And I Hope One Wins By One Vote.

I hearby solumnly swear to vote either Mccain or Obama depdending on which of my older brothers dresses as Palin for Halloween.

current mood: craving some ish

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Thursday, July 10th, 2008
1:40 pm - I Love This Conversation I Had With a Boy
"I can't get over how purdy u are. lol ;-P"

"I'm pretty much the worst at receiving compliments. Usually you're supposed to relay the compliment as in, "And that's a lovely corsett you're wearing." or "Wherever were you able to find unicorn pink lipstick?" but instead i dead-end it with, "Thanks!" or worse with, "I know!" or even worse, with "Right?" in the inflection of "I know!" or worse still when I tell them their green slacks match their romantic attempt. Or worse, I only compliment their slacks because they belong to me.

But when you're this self-aware you start to parady yourself and it becomes acceptable.

So we all win in the end."

"lmao. you're a trip."

"I know!"

"lmao I like the fact that you're not conceited, just honest......like me. ;-P"

"That's my sagittarius showing.

Speaking of which, me and my little brother were driving and going on about astrology. we were enjoying ourselves so much, i told him we had to stop now and go into a bookstore for more fodder. i asked the bookstore clerk where the psuedo-science section would be and me and little 6'5" brother stood there and read to each other the snippets we'd find like they were punch lines.

Then we picked out the gayest-looking gay magazine and slipt it in the pages of somebody's SAT book on an unattended table.

Not before i flipped through it first though."

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Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
11:08 pm - the American Life

I was working all 4th weekend. I don't mind. The family isn't around, so it would've been a lonely 4th if I didn't. Around 8 or 9 the sound of fireworks attracts everyone outside the store, including me. Here, there's a huge celebration in this small town and everyone for miles around comes to see it. The stores line the main street and all the neighborhoods support them from behind. All the families walk out from back of the stores and line the sidewalks with their lawn chairs and their kids all along the store fronts as far down as you can see and all the employees head out after them. The streets face the commotion so even drivers can't avoid the celebration. At least not while driving east.

Heading to Chic Fila, I can see the loud global explosions of color, expanding from the inside out, rapid at first and slowing down, reaching out to its full capability till it is passes away to black. But another has already been born in its place, a short life well lived. I hear it when I take my bag and when I sit on the sidewalk with the parents and the children. I eat my grilled chicken and bacon and cheese sandwich and we never take our eyes off some nameless American's artwork. He works for people he doesn't see, he works for people may never meet, he works for the birthday of us all, as one.

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Thursday, July 3rd, 2008
1:44 am - We Are The Champions

I'm pretty much the worst at receiving compliments. Usually you're supposed to relay the compliment as in, "And that's a lovely corsett you're wearing." or "Wherever were you able to find unicorn pink lipstick?" Instead I dead-end it with, "Thanks!" or worse with, "I know!" or even worse, with "Right?" in the inflection of "I know!" or worse still when I tell them their green slacks match their romantic attempt. Or worse, I only compliment their slacks because they belong to me.

But when you're this self-aware you start to parody yourself and it becomes acceptable.

So we all win in the end.

current mood: fun lovin'

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Wednesday, June 25th, 2008
5:06 am - Naturally, We Have The Sims Color-coded

Geoff is living here for the Summer. He used to live in my room. He liked the old place so much he lives here for the Summer. We circle the bowl around the table and talk up the old N64. I come home one day from work and there's N64 parapenalia spilling out old saved walmart bags all over the floor. We play Perfect Dark and dust off old relics stored away by a younger mind.

We even have team names. The enemy sims are the Naggers. I take a K7 and just plow through a whole stock of Naggers and lean over to croak out Geoff the kills of my Naggers. Man, I plowed through a whole stock of Naggers just then. And so on.

There are girl Naggers, the Naggettes. And boy Naggers, the Naggonauts.

Our team is the Spigots.

Naggers & Spigots.

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1:11 am - Days Turn Into Half Years

Work is taking over my life.

All I have right now is my roomies.

I'm still high off roomie # -1's bag of tricks as I am driven to roomie #4's sister's girlfriend's apartment.

She makes a full dinner and can't stop making food after that. I tell her about my mom and grandma's worst childhood ever, according to the former's psychologist.

I pull on the bathing suit I was reminded to bring and we swim in her pool while everything is cooking.

We eat as she tells me about her and roomie #4's worst childhood ever.

He turned out just fine.

We put together the couple's bed set.

Her tiny dog pats his paws on my knees for attention.That's as high as he can reach.

She sends me home with a shit-ton of leftovers.

It is my 2nd day back from vacation. Sunny all tubin' day. Rainy all the second day. Camping is our family reunion and they are arranged like tetris pieces under the porch from the rain. I used to think there was nothing worse than the endless yapping of television. Now I can't decide which is worse, all of them playing television trivia or all of them knowing the goddamn answers.

I text roomie #1 and tell her to kill me now. At this moment she and all of the roomies are shrooming without me. It is might-as-well-be roomie #5's first time. She can't decide if she wants to cry like rain or laugh like thunder. So she takes a lovin' spoonful of both for the night.

They have a house hurricane.

I find an old bycicle with a flat tire in my room on top of my clean clothes when I get back.

When I packed I found a case inside a case inside a suitcase. It has all the cds I had abandoned when I was a teenager inside. They waited for me till I came home. I listen to teen angst on the way to work.

current mood: tired & caffeinated

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Sunday, May 4th, 2008
10:15 pm - Senior Cynizen
I love when people say things like I wish I had thought up Pokemon or I wish I had come up with Yahoo. You know what I like to say when people say that? 

"You know what I wish I had invented? Water. I'd be rich!"

Woulda, coulda, shoulda.

My roommate just called me and asked if a Guitar Center magazine on the table was mine. I hung up and texted him, "Dumbest phone call ever."

The best part is, when I act like this my roommates love me even more. Because they know when I say dumbest phone call ever, what I really mean is, of course you can read my magazine. Keep it, or make oregami or make clippings for a guitar shrine out of it, knock yourself out!

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Sunday, April 27th, 2008
6:48 pm
 I met a nice boy named Devin Nash.

current mood: daydreamy

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